Entering Year Seventy-Two
A reflection on birthdays.
It’s my seventy-second birthday today. I know I’ll probably receive the usual salutations regaling me with “Happy birthday,” but this post isn’t about birthdays. Instead, I wanted to share some of my observations about the aging process, one I find fascinating.
Last week, I flew out to Utah to attend a family wedding right outside of Zion National Park. We went a few days before the wedding and one of the excursions my group planned was walking the Narrows in the Virgin River. Those of you who’ve been to the Narrows know what it’s like but for those of you who have never been, I will describe it. I had an experience that helped me understand a few more things about life, aging, and facing one’s truth. I also recognized that most of my life has been framed by anxiety, fear, and denial.
Ten years ago, my husband and I went on this trek through the Virgin River and the Narrows. It was a hot summer day in July. We waded with ease through the shallow water, exploring the narrow canyon. We walked for miles, and neither one of us had a problem moving through knee-deep water on slippery river stones. I don’t recall if either of us carried a walking stick. I do recall the spectacular scenery. If you’ve ever walked the Narrows, you’ve seen signs posting warnings about flash floods, but that day, the weather forecast was zero chance of rain. The probability of a flash flood and our being forced to climb up the sides of the canyon to escape drowning, was practically nil.
I loved every minute of that hike.
So last week, we made plans to walk the Narrows again. We started out early in the day. I had been looking forward to doing this but as it turned out, I hated every minute of this trek.
To begin with, the air temperature was in the low fifties as we hiked to the beginning of the trail. From the minute we stepped into the rushing cold river, I wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake. I felt like any minute, I was going to fall in the water. Although equipped with one walking stick, one pole wasn’t enough. A sympathetic hiker walking toward me probably saw the look on my face and insisted I take her extra pole and for that, I am beyond grateful.
As the current rushed past my feet, I tried to keep my balance, but every step was terrifying. I was scared I would topple over, fall, break a leg or a hip, and then have to be carried out on a stretcher. I had worn a heavy coat and was certain if I did fall, I would be dragged down the river. I didn’t notice any of the incredible scenery, who was ahead of me, or who was behind me. Sunlight streamed into the canyon, but every part of me felt enveloped in darkness. I didn’t want to disappoint my husband if I turned around, so I stubbornly stuck with it. I know I should have recognized my limitations, and gone back to wait for my party at the entrance, but I forged ahead.
When the water became chest-deep and my group decided to turn back, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t get back to dry land fast enough. And although I avoided falling into the water, I felt like a failure. I hadn’t told anyone I needed help. I was ashamed my body could no longer move with the ease of someone ten years younger.
I appreciate the lesson learned from this experience. It reminded me that writing a book about my experience raising my daughter helped me see many of my unhealthy attitudes. I reflect on how much I’ve grown. One more lesson in acceptance.
Below is a photo of people walking in the Virgin River. 1
Here’s a photo of me and my husband in Bryce Canyon, a few days after my harrowing trip through the Narrows.
Writing News
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The latest news is my press nominated an excerpt from my memoir for the Pushcart Prize! Since 1976, hundreds of presses and thousands of writers of short stories, poetry, and essays have been represented in this annual collection. The curators of this anthology welcome up to six nominations from editors throughout the world. If you’d like to read the excerpt, click on the link above!
Please remember if you pre-ordered my book, leave a review. Here’s the Barnes and Noble link
My book launch is less than a month away! I plan to read excerpts from my book, and I have prizes to raffle off! There will be treats too! Hope you can come! It’s November 4 from 2-5 at the Kendall Barnes and Noble 12405 N Kendall Drive Miami, FL 33186.
Hope to see you there!.
Congrats on the Pushcart nomination! Well deserved. And good for you braving the Mattie’s again. I tough tough hike. And happy birthday! xo