Writing and Mothering in the Margins

“Mothering in the margins”- This was the phrase used in an email from Laura Jean Baker, the author of The Motherhood Affidavits. Laura Jean graciously agreed to read my manuscript and wrote this incredible blurb.

“A masterstroke of opposites—a psychologically complex story narrated in a pure and transparent voice ... authentic and strikingly candid ... this memoir lift[s] up mothers to children with disabilities, and quite frankly,  celebrates anybody who has ever mothered in the margins.” 

When I was still working on the edits for my memoir, I researched every memoir I could find on motherhood, determined to learn how to write a compelling story. Everything about The Motherhood Affidavits was intriguing, so if you haven’t read it, you should, especially if you’re writing creative non-fiction! Baker has written a humorous memoir about parenthood, baby lust, and crime. I was thoroughly engaged in the intertwined stories of her lawyer husband’s impoverished clients and her own addiction to the hormones induced by pregnancy and childbearing.

Weigh in if you read her book and tell me what you thought of it - I’d love to hear your comments!

This leads me to the next topic for discussion:

Things I Wish I Knew Before I Wrote my memoir.

If only I could have asked Laura Jean for advice before I started writing my memoir. (She’s been a wonderful resource who teaches at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh, specializing in memoirs, women’s stories, crime narratives, and literature for children.)

First, it seems so easy from the outside looking in. Doesn’t it always though?

I remember the first time I tried to write a nonfiction story. I thought I knew everything until I started to search online for blogs and books and forums about it. All of a sudden, I realized I knew very little.

And so it goes with writing a memoir.

Here are the things I wish someone had told me about writing (and publishing.) It is not simple and it took a great deal of belief in my project as well as persistence and my stubborn refusal to give up!

Six Things:

1. Choose a specific period

A strong memoir talks about parts of someone’s life that could not have happened to anyone else. I recommend you think about the unique perspective you bring to your story. In my memoir, I focused on the loss of my dream and the challenge of acceptance. There are several themes but my book covers the universal experience of motherhood.

2. Make an outline for the memoir

Figure out if you have enough stories and thoughts to fill a full book or make it a series of short stories. The way I began was writing short stories in response to things that happened.

3. Research the Period You’ll Be Writing About.

The way I approached this was to interview people who were involved in our lives during the events of the memoir. I talked to some of the doctors, friends, and family members. Recording others’ perspectives on your own life might be important if you’re writing about something in the distant past (such as high school years) as opposed to something that happened that you remember quite clearly. Your readers will reward you with their attention and emotional investment.

4. Remember That This Is Not a Diary Entry.

Although I am the main character in my memoir, I had to remember I am not the audience. When I first began writing my story, it was therapeutic, but as the book began to take shape, I recognized I hadn’t considered the reader. My early drafts reflect a lot of self-indulgence, but as I gained more understanding about how to write, I started asking myself what would feel compelling to the reader. Try and steer clear of self-indulgence.

5. Seek Outside Perspectives.

Allison K. Williams wrote the book, Seven Drafts: Self-Edit Like a Pro from Blank Page to Book, a craft book every writer should have. Typically it’s good to write a first draft of your memoir, take a few days off, read it back to yourself, and then dive into a second draft. My writing group listened to many versions of what would become my memoir. The early groups helped by offering suggestions and advice, and at one point, I was in three different writing groups (one online, one in person, and one on Zoom!) Once you are satisfied you’ve taken your manuscript as far as you can go, find Beta readers who are willing to give feedback. Finally, hire an editor. By the time my book was accepted, I had hired several! Don’t forget the most important part of this—receive critiques and notes with an open mind.

6. Remember Who You Are Writing For

 I began to understand some of my scenes weren’t necessarily interesting simply because they happened to me. I had to find exciting and riveting points of emphasis to keep my readers invested.

Did any one of these pointers in particular surprise you? I’d love to know!

Last thing:

Presales for my book will begin shortly! Watch for the link!